Almost Gave Myself a Frikkin Hernia Tonight…

img credit: Mike Klein

I’m like super-duper, ‘lawd, give me strength’, ‘I’ll stroke your bald head for a penny’ financially-challenged at the mo’.

So I went to the cash machine this evening to take out the little money left in there before the bank could get their sticky fingers on it in the form of one charge or another (maybe for sneezing the wrong way or something – you never know – there’s always a reason).

It was about 8.45pm. My sister was a bit worried I was going there by that time ‘cos the cash points are in a supermarket car park and there’s usually hardly anyone there by that time on a Sunday…but I told her I’d be OK.

The cash points aren’t at the best place security-wise when it gets dark. It’s on the other side of the store – away from the road – away from the bus stop.

There’s a couple there. I say to them don’t they think it’d be safer if the cash points were moved to the store front.

I stick my card in the machine and key in.

The couple withdraw their money and are walking away. I want to speed things up on my end as I’m now the only one round that area and if anything happened, I wanted the couple to still be within hearing distance.

I wait for my card and my cash to come to mama.

Nothing happens.

I start pressing buttons and stuff.

Nothing happens.

I walk away – numb.

But then I walk back and press some more buttons.


This is the last fucking money I’ve got and I’ve got flipping rent to pay. NO WAY CAN THIS BE HAPPENING.

I wasn’t upset. Just dazed.

I notice a car parked off in the distance. I noticed it on my way to the cash point, but because the couple was there at the time, I was cool.

I start walking home – walking across the car park.

The car starts moving.

I didn’t really fear for my safety. What I thought instead was that maybe they had something to do with the defunct cash point – ‘cos they weren’t moving towards me, they were moving towards the cash point.

I walk back a bit towards the cash point and the car drives away from it – back towards where it was parked before.

I got home OK, phoned my bank as soon as I walked through the door. Face like quiet thunder. I’m sure my sister was thinking: I told you, didn’t I?

It turns out that everything was OK with my account. My bank had previously given me a new card and I was still using the old one. They simply cancelled it and took it the next time I used it (which was tonight).

And the car? Who knows? The car park’s usually used for practice driving, so maybe that was what that was all about and I was being overly suspicious (I watched a bit too much Columbo when I was younger).

I’m relieved. I’d rather the bank got their hands on my money than some crooked thieving asshole of a fraudster.

Have a great week, y’all. May it pulsate mangoes.

I’m out.



  1. 2ThePoint

    My sister thought I would. But I was never really scared. Just suspicious.

    I’m gonna pass by your blog to see how you’ve been doing in the online world.

    take care!

  2. 2ThePoint

    Haha!, I love the tagline on your blog 🙂

    I don’t know why I was never scared. I just wasn’t. Just dumbfounded that the frikkin machine wasn’t coughing up my money (and taking my card to boot).

    Thanks for the add to the fracroll! Will check out your blog in more detail soon.

    take care!

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